Sunday, March 26, 2017

My heart is redder than my cereal bowl and it's beating perfectly fine, thank you.

I devoured a bowl filled with chocolate puffs all drenched with almond milk.
It's 8 in the morning and I am in the corner of my bed, eating cereal and thinking of you.

In the last 5 years I've moved 7 times.
I tend to leave my cutlery and cooking utensils behind because they're more often cheaper brand new than assembling all that I had, put it in a box, and pays for movement fees.
I somehow don't think pans and woks perform as good as the first time I got it after a while.
Could be some scratches and rough edges that made me cringe, or maybe it's the excitement, an excuse for myself to cook in brand new utensils.

Either way, since I have been living alone, I don't need that many cutlery and utensils.
Always got myself brand new ones everytime I moved.
I changed the brand (depending on which city or country I lived, obviously), the size, the colour, but one thing I always get myself is a red bowl to eat my cereal with.
Any other things could be in any colour, but I always have a red bowl on my list.

Just like today, I am watching tiny chocolate puffs floating on off-white substance in a red bowl.
Red used to only be my colour preference when it comes to cereal bowl.
A weird, precise quirk, I know.
But nowadays, red made me think of you from time to time.

-

"Why red? Isn't green your favourite colour?" I asked as you slipped your feet in your well-worn Converse. My ex used to have a red Converse too, his ex gave it to him 2 weeks after he started seeing me, just a mere belated birthday present, she said. So seeing the same (but again, dustier and more well worn) shoes on your feet peaked my interest, and besides, if green is your favourite colour, why red?

"Oh this? This is green."

"Those are red." I started to think that you were making fun of me.

"This is green." you insisted, busy tying your left shoes.

"Are you colour blind? Because, boy, I was an art student. My eyes are great, there's no way I could've missed the colour spectrum." I started to get a little worked out. My deadlines has started to creeped on me, I guess.

"Uh...in fact, yes. Partially. I guess...uhm..it's hard to explain" then you started to went about a story of how your family had an argument because each and everyone saw a pair of sandals as different colours, making the other taking the wrong pair and whatnot.

"Wait, so when I am putting a red lipstick - which I have been doing lately, oxblood red, to be precise" I can see the confusion in your eyes "so what do you see? Do I look ridiculous? Grey lips? Green? Brown? What?" and even at this time I made it about my makeup, great I really dislike myself when I am overworked and tired.

"It's kind of hard to explain. It's a bit of hit and miss. There are times I could get a colour right. It's green, and it is. It's red, and right off the bet, it is red. But majority of the times it all gets confusing and mixed up"

Interesting.
I guess it depends on the spectrum and the colour mix, I guess now I know what kind of green I'd get you if I were about to buy you gifts.

"But green, isn't it your favourite colour?" I asked again. I mean come on, isn't it sad thinking that you're wearing your favourite colour only to know later on that it's the total opposite of the colour wheel?
It's as if you've deceived yourself, making a fool out of yourself......and of course I said that in my head.

"Yes! I like green. It's my favourite colour. Don't ask me why, I just love it. I know I am partially colour blind...uh, yeah but I just know I like greens. The colour, not the veggies."

I sighed as I caressed his face.
This kid.
So carefree and silly. Yet he said he'd protect me? Physically yes, he is indeed stronger in comparison to my frail body.
Other than that I'd easily beat him up in every aspect.
So silly.
So carefree and silly.

"...but now I have you, no? I don't know why I never think about this with my exes, funny enough I am never bothered to double check which colour I saw..." I can see you were enjoying me petting you for a while, you started to close your eyes "But now I have you, so you'd be my guide, telling me which colour is which!"


-

Silly little guy, claiming he'd protect me from all the harm in this world.
Telling me he'd guide my through stages, but little did he know, fast forward some times later, colour is not the only thing he'd look up for me in life - and I guess that's okay.

Isn't that's what love is? Protecting one another?
And for me, that's more than okay.

Swooned by love letters and sweet professes of how thankful he is to have me later on in life, far after the red shoes incident, my silly little guy.
Silly little thing, stealing my silly little heart.

I guess every time I look at my cereal bowl I will think of you, and that's okay too.